Where Conflict Comes From – Learning to Close the Gates

Are you leaving a gate open in your life and allowing negative thoughts and words into your life?  This is how conflict comes in – your open gate could be allowing ideas and desires into your life that differ from what you value and believe to be true.  This creates conflict and this conflict can lead to bullying behavior that you exhibit or allow. I’ve been there. I used to live a file that was filled with open gates.  I would allow anyone’s ideas and needs to be met over mine. I would say things like, “I can make that work”, without even considering the potential consequences of ‘making it work’.  Often, I would end up stressed or inconvenienced because of what I allowed.  

I don’t do that anymore, most of the time.  Everything is a constant work in progress – I’m not perfect.  If you struggle with the “making it work syndrome” as I now call it, then try the two strategies below and see if you get more of what you really want.  See if these strategies help you become more comfortable closing doors and gates in your life that leave you vulnerable to conflict, irrigation, frustration and hurt.  

The 2 Strategies you need in order to avoid open gates:

1. Focus daily on your true intentions. 
What do you really want out of your day today?  What are you trying to accomplish and give to the world around you?  This is NOT a “to do” list of things to check off, but rather a broader thought about what you want to give, not get.  If what you want to give is within you such as your time, your knowledge or other resources, then it requires you protecting it.  When a gate is open that allows conflict and negativity in, it stops you from being focused and steals small bits of your confidence.  This leaves your inner gifts and talents (Awesomeness) depleted.  Think about it like a $100.00 bill.  If you want to give all $100.00 to your biggest priority but right beforehand someone comes along and asks you to buy a hat for $20.00 and you buy it.  Now what? You are now left with only $80.00 to give.  You can give what you have left but deep down, you know that what you really wanted to do was to give the whole $100.00.  This sacrifice, while it may seem small, IS what erodes your confidence in yourself and allows conflict and adversity to come in and take root in your life.  Say, “no thank you, not today”, when the offers come and stay focused on your true intentions.  Once you do, you will find you have room and resources to give even more!

2. Making it work is NOT humility.  
Somewhere along the way “making it work and sacrificing what you need” become conflated (combining two or more texts/ideas into one) with humility.  They are NOT the same thing.  In fact, the humblest of people will understand they are not that important and won’t think too highly of themselves. Still, they still get what they need and still get to be who they are called to be.  If you sacrifice and go along to get along, you may end up resenting the other person or situation and turning into someone you don’t really want to be.  

When I started putting these strategies in place in my life and business, I stopped apologizing when I didn’t mean it and started saying yes to what was most important.  In return, I able to give more time to my faith, my family and my clients by building awesome programs and services to help them solve their most difficult challenges.  

What would you do if you put your true intention into focus?  How would you show humility by bringing all of yourself into every situation you encounter, daily?